Monday, June 14, 2010

Today it is Raining

Today it is raining. I didn't sleep well last night. My dreams made me restless. I can't remember what they were. My third son turned 16 today. My youngest will be 14. My third son is not on the right track and it bothers me. I am also coming to terms with the fact that even though my Master and I live well together... due to circumstance I have to find my own place. It causes me anxiety. I would rather stay with my Master but we know we can't. I don't know if part of my anxiety is caused by our turn of events and what he needs to do. Tomorrow I go look at a house. I hope it is nice. If I do get a place at least we will have more privacy to just be with each other. He promised me a collar today. I don't know if that means a private ceremony, or one with friends or a ceremony at all. I don't know when. Just thinking of it no matter what makes me feel elated. I can hardly wait. Hopefully, wearing his collar will help ease the anxiety of me having to find my own place and his need to experience life. I really need to work on my issues of abandonment and rejection. The rain outside echoes my heart and soul.

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